How A ‘Fruit Roll-Up’ Sent George Washington To Hell


George Washington was addicted to cherry fruit roll ups.

George would run into the forest, shirtless and eat fruit roll ups where nobody could see.

Martha Washington often said, “George Washington, I’m super pissed. you eat too many fruit
roll ups.”

Martha Washington didn’t even like fruit roll ups, not even cherry fruit roll ups.

Martha Washington once ate a cherry fruit roll up and got super pissed and threw it at a bird.

George Washington would hide the wrappers behind their plasma screen television.

George Washington loved the channel, the disney channel.

One time George Washington got so cranked up on cherry fruit roll ups that he smashed his head into the plasma television at probably 45 miles per hour.

George Washington thought that if he smashed his head into the television hard enough he would become hollywood superstar zac efron.

But George Washington didn’t become major superstar zac efron, instead he just got plasma television ink on his teeth.

That is the reason George Washington had wooden teeth.

George Washington for sure went to hell.

Everyone knows that you go to hell based on how many fruit roll ups you eat over your lifetime.

George Washington is for sure in hell.

Luckily in hell there is infinite fruit roll ups so George Washington is probably very happy there.

Also, the reason George Washington is on the one dollar bill is because that is the best denomination for buying fruit roll ups.