Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy is now an Official School Network on Facebook
By Paul Young
Harry Potter fans, young and old, have always had a penchant for taking it to the next level with their perverted obsession over J.K. Rowling’s world of witchcraft and wizardry.
Completely delusional, and likely unsatisfied with the real world in which they live, Potter freaks, also known as losers, have done everything from continuing the series in their own words, via book after book of creepy fan fiction found on such porn-alternative websites as harrypotterfanfiction.com, to dressing up the part, as Ron, Hermione, or Potter himself, not just to book signings but at home as well when engaging in intercourse or just doing some laundry, to creating an actual Quidditch association so that the sport can be played “professionally” by those unfit enough to play real sports, to jerking off in a theater next to a 10-year-old while watching part one of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
Unfortunately as a result, for the more reserved fan with a life, over-the-top fans of Rowling’s series have pretty much ruined the decent fictional world she’s created by simply taking it way too seriously.
Creating thousands upon thousands of Harry Potter-themed groups and pages on Facebook (where full-on brawls that last for days on end have broken out between “wizards” and “muggles”, “Gryffindor-ians” and “Slytherin-ians”), the fans will likely not stop their shenanigans until they can find an actual portal that leads to what to them is the “real world.” (Ten times out of ten, that portal will just actually be some drain ditch or furnace, and nothing more.)
What will come as an orgasm of good news to such fans, then, is the fact that someone has managed to successfully create a legitimate Facebook school network for “Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.” This is real. You can even choose whether you want to be an “undergrad,” “grad,” “alumnus,” “staff,” or “faculty,” not to mention, what year you will graduate. The best part is that no school email address is required. So long as one is 18 or older, anyone can join. Anyone.
So why the 18 or older age requirement?
Maybe it’s because, at 18, one is considered a legal adult. And considering how many perverted fans their are of Potter’s, it’s probably one way the creator of the network, or those over at Facebook HQ, can prevent any “creepy-old-man-dressed-as-Voldemort-beats-little-girl-dressed-as-Hermione-and-then-rapes-her-with-his-wand” stories from hitting the presses.
Despite the precautionary age restriction, however, we all know it’s only a matter of time until one 13-year-old girl outthinks the network (for all you 13-year-olds out there, just change the birthdate on your profile), joins, and, well… discovers that Voldemort’s interest lies in something other than killing Harry.