Here’s What Would Happen On A Season Of ‘The Bachelor’ Starring The Thought Catalog Staff Writers: Episode One
On the first night…
On the first night everyone meets and cheers very “wooooo!!!” style around a marble counter top of the mansion kitchen that absolutely no one will be cooking in/on. Kendra expertly pops a bottle of champagne and crawls up on top of the countertop while also lifting her glass in the air.
“To a really, really,” she begins, eyeing Heidi and Becca who are talking about Bali with both a “STFU” look and also a blend of hyper-sexual curiosity, “Weird experience.” She shakes it off.
“Let’s fuckin’ (the show would bleep that) do this!!” she says a little more excited that she should while shaking the bottle of Moet Chandon to her side and purposefully spraying the other girls with it.
Everyone shrieks and covers their blowouts while scattering.
Our Bachelor enters and Kendra just lifts her glass higher and “woos” louder. No one is fully sure if it’s genuine, but it’s attention grabbing and being the first night, everyone goes with it.
“Ha….whoa!” He claps in surprise at Kendra’s “announcement”. It’s clear she’s a little bit buzzed, but he brushes it off.
“You know I…” he swallows preemptively but also due to an honest lack of knowing what to say.
He looks up, locks eyes with Ari who scrunches her freckled nose in a weird sort of guidance.
He shrugs.
“I never thought I’d be looking for my soulmate this way,” he begins. Everyone laughs in a “murmur”/”we geeeet it” kind of way.
“But honestly? I’m not mad at this,” he chuckles. “I’m surrounded by a ridiculous amount of intelligent,” (pan to Heidi) “genuine” (pan to Marisa) “deep” (pan to Bianca) “and also beautiful” (pan to Lauren) “women.”
He swallows before raising his own glass.
“So to all of you and to this weird ass experience,” he says while everyone laughs out loud because it’s true.
“Let’s do this?! Okay?!?”
And everyone woos and drinks and claps!
After the first cheers our Bachelor almost instantly zooms in on Ari. He cutely points at her in an “across the room way” without saying anything and she points back in the same manner. They scamper off hand in hand towards the fire pit on the deck of the mansion.
Before they can sit down though…
Ari pipes up, “Wait!”
He stops suddenly, kind of taken aback, “Huh?”
Ari looks around, carefully taking in the grounds.
“I just…” she trails off.
“I just feel like there’s a better spot,” she says knowingly.
“Follow me.”
And so he does.
Ari clasps her little hand around his fist and leads him through the carefully lit candles and past the perfectly periwinkle pool that’s rippling in the moonlight. They pass the perfectly situated pergola and the ever-so-lit cabana. Once behind everything, and next to almost nothing but a garden and a few scattered candles and lit basically purely by the cameras that had decided to follow, Ari sighs with relief.
“Holy shit,” she giggles and spits out between laughs and breaths.
“Yeah,” he says in response.
“I’m sorry!” she begins. “I swear I’m not like, trying to murder you on national TV.”
He laughs. “I should hope not!”
“I just,” she’s gesturing wildly with her hands as if to try to bring all of her thoughts together. “I just wanted to bring you to a place where I could talk to just you.”
She’s staring at him with her piercing green eyes, caught in between the few flickers of candlelight.
He swallows slowly.
“Me?” He begins.
She nods both adorably and genuinely, which is a devastating combination.
“Uh..” He shakes his head. “Really?”
She nods again, her shoulder-legnth brown hair bouncing around in the specific light of their surroundings.
“I know someone is going to bust us and ask for a ‘minute of your time’ in a second,” she says, wringing her hands together.
She looks up at him. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t have a second to just be in peace, right?”
And as if out of a movie moment, our Bachelor kisses Ari. Sweetly, one hand at the nape of her neck and trailing through her hair, the other clasping around her fingertips and pulling her close.
It’s an unexpected kind of kiss. A first kiss. A sweet kiss. An innocent, moment induced kiss that can only be explained by pure chemistry.
When they back away from each other, Ari touches her mouth, which is slightly agape, like she surprised that just happened.
Our Bachelor looks behind him.
“Hey so,” he stumbles over his words, slightly out of breath.
She rolls her eyes and giggles, covering her face with her hands.
“Please stop talking to me! I really don’t know what I’m doing on TV and that was a lot,” she jokes in between laughs.
“No no no!” he persists, grabbing one of Ari’s hands and pulling her close to him again.
“I just,” He begins again, still awkwardly. “I think there’s something about you that’s magical.”
Ari immediately blushes.
“And I want you to know how special you are and how,” he pauses. “How honored,” he takes his time saying that word, “I am to meet you.”
They lock eyes.
“So,” he says slowly. “Would you accept this rose? This first impression rose?”
They both pause.
“If like,” he stutters again. “You want to?”
Ari wraps her arms around his shoulder and aims to kiss his cheek but misses and landed into his neck instead.
“Duh,” we hear her microphone pick up as they lock lips in another magnetizing kiss.
Stay tuned for the next episode of TC Writers on The Bachelor 🌹🌹🌹