Here’s To Beer


Tonight, we celebrate our nation’s 79th New Beers Eve. The tradition dates back to 1933, when — after 13 long and sober years, thanks to Prohibition — Americans across the country gathered at bars and breweries everywhere, awaiting the stroke of midnight to celebrate the return of the legalized libation. I firmly believe legalizing beer was the greatest achievement of Franklin D. Roosevelt, and I’m pretty sure most historians would back me on this.

Thanks to this glorious act, our country could once again enter the beer-induced dream state it had so sorely missed. Being reunited with beer felt right, because if you think about it, everything is better when beer is involved. Had a rough day at work? Ale will help release the stress. Nervous on a first date? Lager will help ease the nerves. Cut your hand on a power tool? Stout will help stop the pain and bleeding (not 100% on the bleeding). It’s the long lost friend we finally found.

And a loyal friend, it is. Beer is always there for us when we need a comforting companion. When we were down, beer was there to lift our spirits. Where, I ask you, was orange juice? Oh sure, when we were celebrating the good times, orange juice would sneak its way into the party with champagne, hoping we’d forget about its absence during our time of need. But we didn’t, OJ. We will never forget.

Beer encourages us whenever we need a little push. Often in life we become discouraged and doubt ourselves. We think “Oh no, I couldn’t possibly jump over that large (insert any item).” Beer will tell you that you can do it, because it has faith in you and your jumping abilities. And it won’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Beer is also open-minded and kind. It understands that everyone is beautiful on the outside. Never has beer led us to think, “You’re right, that person is unattractive.” No, beer doesn’t condone such negativity. That mirror has never looked as good as when we’re with beer.

And beer is generous with its sage advice. Having been born in 3500 BC, beer is a lot wiser than you or me. If you develop an idea while brainstorming with beer, you should act on that nugget of wisdom immediately. It is definitely a good idea.

Beer has been there for us in countless ways, so it is only right that we show it the same consideration. Go out tonight and celebrate New Beers Eve like it’s 1933. Do it for beer.

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image – Tambako the Jaguar