Friendships are difficult to cultivate. We want so desperately to find our person that we sometimes skimp on the quality of our friendships and focus on quantity, instead. We settle for less than we deserve because we crave emotional intimacy with other people.
In this quest we get confused about what friendship really means.
What makes friendship between two people so special?
Friendship isn’t the person who is going to roll to the mall with you and let you buy more shit you don’t need before you’ve paid your rent. It isn’t the person that will let you get too drunk and wallow in your own pity because you have to ‘let it all out’ and it sure as hell isn’t the person that drags you out to fulfill ride-or-die duties every night despite knowing you have other obligations as an adult.
Friends don’t get angry or upset with you for not being able to perform your due diligence as a prop to their social calendar. Those aren’t friends! Those are people who find pleasure in trying to control your life because they don’t feel like they can control their own. You shouldn’t seek friends so you have someone to tag occasionally on social media.
Are you really that lonely?
Friends should be able to understand the demands of our lives, but even still, we all have those friends that are going to be upset with us for having to flake at the last minute due to some unforeseen circumstance relating to our grown-up lives.
These are the friends that place a higher value on making sure the entire squad is there on their birthday, just to get a picture to plaster across social media so all of their other friends know how many friends they have. We find ourselves wondering why our friends are getting so bent out of shape over the little things and we come to the understanding that our friends aren’t friends at all, and we’re just another pretty filter on their unsatisfying life.
Why are only the visible things the things that matter? Do you have to be seen with them to be their friend? Rather than being disappointed that you had to leave the party early, shouldn’t they be happy that you came to the party in the first place?
True friends are far more understanding than that. They don’t only love you because of what’s right with you, but they love you because of what’s wrong with you, too. Flaws and all! They’ll do their best to make you stronger in the face of your demons.
They’re there when you need them and more importantly, they’re there when you don’t.
They don’t need you hooked on their arm every weekend to know that you’ll always be hooked on their heart. You don’t have to call or text them every day, telling them how much you care, because your actions have already shown them that. Friendship is the person who might be completely silent; you might go weeks, months and maybe even years at a time without seeing them, but they’ve still taken up permanent residence in your heart.
Knowing that you don’t have to hide your scars, your flaws and your insecurities from this person because you know they’ll be sharing theirs with you, too, makes your friendship special. Telling you when enough is enough and that you are enough makes your friendship special. Helping you be the best person that you can be while still understanding your fragility as a human makes your friendship special.
Just being two normal people totally content with living your incredibly normal lives, but knowing those lives are better together, makes your friendship special.