Here Are The 12 Things You Actually DO Need To Figure Out In Your Twenties


1. What kind of friend you want to be. The one who calls first? Or the one who always answers and/or calls back? The one who shows love through words, or the one who shows they care through actions? The one who shares comforting words, or the one who brings a happy energy?

2. What kind of friend you need others to be to you. What exactly do you need from your friends in order to have relationships that feel healthy, reciprocated, and unshakable?

3. And what friendship in adulthood means to you. Because we all know it’s a hell of a lot different than it was when we were kids, or even college students. The interactions are different, the way you meet people is different, and the way you maintain friendships over a long period of time is going to be quite a challenge.

4. How you want to handle yourself when you’re inevitably faced with adversity. With tenacity? Perseverance? Self-pity? It seems like there’s an obvious answer, but it’s a mindset you need to practice now. Because when you’re in the thick of it, you’re not going to be focused on making sure you’re correctly managing your reaction. You’re just going to be reacting.

5. What amount of social media you can consume without it having a negative effect on you. Because if you don’t learn how to monitor yourself, social media can become so overbearing in your life that it actually has an effect on your level of happiness.

6. How kind you want to be to others – particularly those who are not kind to you.

7. What kind of person you want to fall in love with. You don’t have to actually figure out whether or not marriage is for you – how can anyone do that before they’ve actually met their potential life partner? But you do need to figure out what exactly you need from another person in order to be happy in a relationship.

8. What you need to do in order to healthily process bad news or any sort of large emotional setback. Because if you don’t learn what exactly your mind and body need in order to deal with an upsetting change, your brain will quickly latch onto the first thing that distracts it – food, alcohol, drugs, sex, clothes, work, gambling, etc.

9. How much effort you’re willing to put in before you let yourself give up on a particular dream. Everyone and their mother will have a different piece of advice to share with you about this. You need to decide for yourself what your goals and guidelines will be.

10. What you need to get through your ‘ugly days.’ Save for a very rare and select few, almost everyone goes through days (or weeks, or months) where they just feel self-conscious and uncomfortable about some aspect (or many) of their physical appearance. We’re all human, it happens. Sometimes it’s less about trying to ignore the self-consciousness and more about learning how to enjoy yourself and love yourself anyway while you’re working through these insecurities.

11. How to care (less) about what others think. It’s a constant, ever-changing battle, but the more you experiment in your twenties with what brings you joy and what makes you feel fulfilled, the less you will care about the opinions of others.

12. What you need to do when you start to feel disconnected with yourself. If work gets too stressful or a relationship feels overbearing, what exactly do you need to do to get back in tune with yourself? Running, walking, yoga, exercise of any kind. Meditation. Lots of sleep. Home-cooked meals. Dinner with a close friend. No answer is the right answer. Like almost everything else in life, you just need to do what works for you.