On some days, I feel like I can do anything if I put my mind to it. I would feel excited like a little kid being in an amusement park, bouncing up and down and feeling as light as a feather.
On those days, everything feels a little less difficult.
My hair would fall perfectly on my shoulders, as a mighty cloak that I would parade in with much confidence. My eyes become hopeful windows that allow me to see all the good around me which inspires me to continue to be exactly the way I am – no less, no more.
However, on many other days, I do doubt if I could ever fit into the image of someone who ‘’made’’ it. Or even someone who could just fit in social settings. Though I’m well aware that it’s all about perspective and that there is no such thing as living in one single correct way, it’s still hard to shrug off those thoughts and start to focus on less trivial matters. Especially when you don’t get acknowledged by people that you desperately want to get acknowledgment for. You will work hard at first to draw attention to yourself. You will do things far out of your comfort zone and hopes it will set you apart from the rest and turn you into a responsible adult overnight.
I’m just another person doing their best.
I’m just another person overcompensating my own scars and insecurities by being hyper-aware of my own actions and words. A person that longs for encouraging words of her parents but is losing the hope that it will ever happen – now or in the far future.
So, turning on a new page after this realization, I want to show the world my authentic self as much as possible. I want to do my best – not for the sake of others, but only my own. I no longer want to justify my own mistakes by acting like an asshole who can only blame and hide behind the shortcomings of others instead of having the guts to own it and learn from it.
Don’t let my cheerfulness fool you that I got it all together.
Don’t let my well-thought-out advice let you think that I know what to do in any kind of given situation.
Don’t let my appearance on better days fool you that I’m confident from head to toe. Don’t let my education background let you think that I have more answers compared to those who didn’t go to college.
Because the truth is:
I’m just another person doing their best. I’m just another person winging it as I go through this confusing messiness of responsibilities as an adult.
As long as we do our best, it’s the best we can do.
As long as we have good intentions and act according to it, it’s the best we can do.
No matter if someone or no one acknowledges the fact that you are doing your best, you are still doing your best regardless of what anyone thinks of it.
We already put too much emphasis and pressure to come across like sophisticated, yet nonchalant put together adults, yet it matters not much if you can’t stay honest to yourself of what you really find important even if it’s ruining your public persona.
Let’s acknowledge for ourselves that we are doing our best. And that it’s the best we can do.
It’s more than enough.