HAIM: The Girls’ Lyrical Guide to A-holes


HAIM – known to many as reminiscent of Fleetwood Mac; known to some as just another hipster band; but known to me as three girls who know their shit on the topic of love.  And by ‘love’, I really mean that guy (asshole) with whom things never have and never will work out with.  And by ‘know their shit’, I don’t mean like Taylor Swift’s repeated assertion that they are never ever, ever, like ever getting back together – despite it being imperative that this becomes true too.

Allow me now, to elaborate on why I feel this way with two of their songs “Don’t Save Me” and “The Wire”, as there are several lessons to be learnt from them. (All lyrics are quoted like so)

Let’s start with “Don’t Save Me”.

Note:  I may be a bit late to the lyrical show but it did take me several several months to get past the catchy tunes and actually digest the words.  I mean the phrase “save me” literally constitute 80% of the song, so squeeze me.  Anyway, here goes:

1. You Cannot Reasonably Expect An Asshole Who Doesn’t Truly Love You To Be Enough For You.

Cause I can’t go on,
If your love isn’t strong.

If you can’t hold on,
Then baby, baby don’t save me now.

If a man is incapable of even loving you the way you deserve to be loved, then he probably cannot – despite whatever bullshit fed to you – give you what you need emotionally and mentally.  He is the guy that thinks he can or wants to provide you with what you need and incessantly tries to get you to be with him (usually after multiple fuck ups) but in reality haven’t an INKLING of an understanding of what you need.  Do they even comprehend the meaning of “needs” beyond their sexual ones? Probably not.  Why? Is it because his love isn’t strong or because he can’t hold on? – I.e. the lack of love or incompetence? Likely both, but really, does it matter after a certain point? NO.

So fuck off.

Or put in more delicate terms: Don’t save me now (EVER).

2. Assholes You Should Avoid

So what now you ask, is an incompetent man? Well this is where “The Wire” comes into play:

Always keep your heart locked tight, don’t let your mind retire


Otherwise known as:

  • Men of few words – few true words anyway.
  • Men of manipulation.
  • Men of emotional retardation.
  • Men of irresponsibility
  • Men you should not spend another second fretting over.

3. It’s Not Your Fault He’s An Asshole.

We all know the saying boys will be boys; well girls will be girls, and most of us have probably at one point thought to ourselves that after all the opportunities, I try to stay true to you and try to do what you wanted for me.  Don’t blame yourself.  Even if it takes two to tango, don’t mistake his exceptional ineptitude as a reflection of your lack of effort.  After a period of time, continuously trying to salvage a relationship by repairing a person is like trying to cage the elephant (also a great band) – Illogical and impossible.

4. Don’t Go To The Ends of the World Trying To Fix An Unfixable Asshole.

It’s common for girls to think that even after endless attempts, that there’s something more that can be done to mend things.  There isn’t.   I may get a lot of heat for this but there is a limit to what someone should sacrifice for another in the name of ‘love’.  Ceaselessly trying is a threat to your dignity.  And who do you think has to live with that? Him?

Yeah.  Didn’t think so.

Like they sang in “Don’t Save Me” – if I have to beg for your love..will it ever be enough? I’m sure you know the answer to that already.  But for those who don’t – ever heard the quote “Love is like a fart, if you have to force it, it’s probably shit”.  Well begging for love is the epitome of forcing it and therefore means it is shit.  It is the finest indicator of shit – completely smothered in flies, sloppy, nauseating horse manure sort of shit.  Of course, the begging can go both ways.  If you are begging for it, then the chances of him giving what you need is even more minute.  And by the way, if you are even thinking of doing it then I would fervently suggest otherwise.  There is nothing more unbecoming than a girl begging an asshole for love – know your worth lady.

But if he is begging for it, then I want you to take a moment to revel in it – should throw in some frozen peas on the floor for him to kneel on just to make things extra fun. Just kidding (about reveling in it, not the frozen peas).  If he is begging then the chances are he knew he fucked up BIG time before.  Maybe he saw his sorry ass through your eyes and realized there is no other option than to resort to pleading like a bitch.  If he knows he’s an asshole, then you sure as hell should know too.  At the end of the day, you know there’s no rhyme or reason for the way you (he) turned out to be and all the effort, begging or chances in the world wouldn’t be enough to help change that.  Know that it’s time to stop.

5. Move On.

So if I may take the liberty of speaking on behalf of the sisters, for all you girls who have a notable asshole in your life, HAIM would remind you to remove him and all traces of him from your life to avoid his existence from resurfacing – just like one would a hemorrhoid.  It all comes down to realizing you are worth more than the prototypical imbecile, and not only that you should not settle, but also that you will not.  Not now.  Not ever.

P.S. I am aware that there are female equivalents to the assholes I’ve been talking about.  Just substitute he with she, him with her, guy with girl, man with woman, boy with girl, and obviously, asshole with bitch. Voila!

P.P.S. You are welcome to disagree with my interpretation of the lyrics and my interpretation of relationships..or just about anything.

P.P.P.S.  I don’t care.