Falling in love is one of the hardest things a person could possibly go through, especially if it’s not your first fall. It’s so easy to love a person for the way they are, to see beauty in the way they laugh at jokes only they understand or the way their eyes look concentrated on a glowing highway going 120 kph. It’s so easy to fall in love with nose kisses and beard rash and that short little giggle that’s used only for you, it’s so easy to fall in love with moments with people and to get so wrapped up in the world they share with you, the part of your life that’s whole and golden that you forget to bulletproof your heart.
Love is unhealthy. It stings, it rips at the very core of your being, it makes you vulnerable and exposed to the elements. Once you start loving someone, you start to give everything of yourself to them. Your deepest secrets are revealed: the way you eat messy foods, the words you say when you talk in your sleep, that hacking cough you get when the seasons change, how you look when you sob uncontrollably and gasp for air and your deepest fears that the love you share with that person still won’t be enough to save you.
It’s basically two people holding each other’s hearts in their hands and trying not to squeeze too hard.
And once you get hurt, if your heart gets dropped or crushed, you risk becoming hard yourself. Your natural self-defense mechanism kicks in and the only thing you can do is cry, and then preserve your broken soul as best as you can until someone else comes along who gets the privilege of taking care of what’s left of the part of you that was torn.
Except this time you won’t let them, you’ve learnt to keep parts of your spirit a secret, you find ways to avoid giving them everything, you keep yourself busy with your own hobbies and friends so if they drop your heart you can catch it yourself. This works for a while, you remain disinterested and hard for as long as you can manage until your walls disintegrate and the cycle of intense emotion begins again.
No relationship is equal; there is always one person who gets hurt first. There’s always one person who comes back for more. There’s always an imbalance in the force.
This is why falling in love is the hardest and dearest action to take. The human race is concentrated on pursuing this extreme degree of self-destruction. We crave it, lose ourselves in it and would do anything to have it. Love is a sacrifice, one that everyone makes at some point in their lives, because losing ourselves is better than having no one else to get lost with.