Even Though You Love Him, He Is Not Magic


When you’re eighteen, and scared, and on your own for the first time, the first boy you love will seem like he is everything you have ever wanted. But he isn’t. He will seem like a dream, or an answered prayer. But he isn’t.

He is a lot of things, but he is not magic.

He is a whirlwind. He will waltz into your life on a rainy October day, and he will walk out of it on a beautiful April night. He is going to make your heart race, your tongue fumble your words, and your stomach churn. Your six months with him will feel constantly dark and unsteady, but that will make you feel excited. He is a whirlwind, it’s true.

He is a whirlwind, but he is not magic.

He is recklessness and rebellion. His kiss is going to taste like whiskey and cigarettes and it is going to feel just wrong enough to keep you coming back for more. He is going to keep you out until seven in the morning, and he is going to take you to abandoned buildings, and he is going to awaken your dormant sense of adventure. He will force you try things you don’t want to try, but you will think he is doing it to make you part of his world. He isn’t.

He is recklessness and rebellion, but he is not magic.

He is manipulative. He will make you sacrifice your dreams for his own, and you will think it’s because he loves you. He is angry. He will yell at you, and belittle you, and scare you anytime something goes wrong. He is impatient. He will throw things and ask you to leave when you say no.

He is manipulative and angry and impatient. He is not magic.

When you are eighteen, you will be with someone, and you will truly think that you love him. You will think he hung the moon and you will think he’s changed for you. But he didn’t, and you don’t.

Then, one day years later, like magic, you will meet someone new.

You will think that he is perfect, and will be. He is fun, and caring, and so, so wonderful. He will give you flowers for no reason, and slow dance with you in his living room on a Sunday night. He will move mountains for you, and love you like you have never been loved before. You will never see him coming, but he is magic.