Drink, Drank, DRUNK: The Few Grammar Rules You Should Be Following


Say drunk. If you’re a Western reader aged 10 to 85, your mind likely interpreted the word in its adjective form, but today I am requesting—nay, imploring—that you internalize its participle form. This is both for your sake, so you may be perceived as a valuable member of society, and for the sake of your country, so it can remain globally competitive…

Speaking English is easy. You need only 1,500 words in your vocabulary to be a functioning professional in the rudimentary level sometimes called “Globish;” you’d need thousands more to get by in French, German, Arabic, etc.

So, for the love of all that led humans out of the food chain, I beg you to make an effort to speak even incrementally more accurately. You can start by saying drunk. Now I’m not making any outright accusations, but what I do know is that I have heard the following catastrophes from otherwise eloquent and articulate people, because there is a mental block for using drunk when they’re not talking about a night out or a disappointing uncle:

I’ve drank the Kool-Aid, and now I can’t think for myself.
By then I had dranken six Gatorades.
Damn I wish we had drunken more water before the 10K.
My dog hasn’t dranked anything for two days.

It hurts. Every time, it cuts me deep. I can understand and forgive other common spoken and written mistakes in English. They can be confusing. But this simple conjugation, when you conjugate almost everything else with ease and fluency, evokes psychological conflict you don’t even know you’re experiencing.

Let’s agree to stop dancing around a simple word with discrete meanings. You can’t treat it so unfavorably just because YOU have a problem with alcohol permeating all facets of urban adult life. We can train ourselves to speak correctly so continental Europeans won’t continue to master our language better than we can.

While we’re at it, maybe we can agree to adhere to the following, and make the world a better place for our children and our children’s children. God bless you and God bless America. Grammar 2016.

You quote [verb] a quotation [noun].
A group is composed of its parts; the group comprises its parts.
You are taller than I [am] and than we [are] and than she [is].
Whom did you invite to the party? [I invited him. Not: I invited he.]
Who was invited? [He was invited. Not: Him was invited.]