In this world where getting into a relationship is as easy as instant messaging and instant coffees. There is this girl who always believed that love is a sacred thing. It is something that you can’t just add to your priorities like as if it just a necklace to add on your loud colored floral civvies.
Love is a priority, and so is getting into a relationship. So, what’s the result? She always ends up being the second option because some guys just cannot wait. And she got used to being someone whom a guy cannot wait for, so when the man who can finally wait comes, it’s no longer easy to open her heart.
She always expects you to leave her when you get tired, so she mastered the art of being selfish.
At this point, putting your unceasing conversation into a halt is absolutely impossible. It has become a habit that you talk to her until the crack of dawn, even though you don’t have anything to say anymore. But you still continue to do so. One thing is only running in her mind, you’ll eventually get tired of conversing with her so she’s already on her path of accepting the fact that you are going to leave sooner or later.
This is why she learned how to be selfish. She knew that your attention will soon subside, so while the fire is burning she will keep on provoking you to say sweet words and give a subtle confession that she can dismiss nonchalantly. No need to get mad and feel like you’re being deceived, she was just making sure that even if you hurt her in the end. At least you’ve fashioned a particular emotion in her hypothalamus.
She learned how to counterattack confusion and worries by acceptance.
Whenever she feels like you are about to incorporate to words the interpretation of your sudden brisk heartbeats, she will suddenly have panic attacks with questions like “Am I ready to be in a relationship with him?”, “Do we deserve each other?” or simple as, “Is he truthful right now?” As much as she is the mastermind of all the acts of provoking, she still gets confused and worried because she has never been in that status. She’s confused if she’s ready or not, and at the same time worried that if she’s not yet ready, she might be the second option again. But in the end, she will accept what she believes in– that you will not end up together. She learned how to take failure and pain. She always tells herself that she’ll get over you after the act of forgetting becomes a habit.
She was so used to being the second option that she stopped believing that there will be someone that will make her the first choice.
In her mind, she always tells herself that she “just” likes you a little. It’s too little that she won’t ask you to reciprocate any feelings, but she wants you to tell her that you have certain feelings for her. She wants you to admit that you like her, but she won’t allow you to have a relationship with her. Complicated? Yes, because she was used to the set up that after she confesses her feelings to a guy, the next step is to always move on.
May it be he has a girlfriend, he likes someone else, or he likes you to be just her friend– name it! It doesn’t really matter. And now that you are telling her that you are going to make her a first choice is something that is nothing but incoherent for her. She will give you excuses like questioning how you feel and accusing you of just being obsessed with the idea of falling in love. But those are just excuses. She just doesn’t want to accept the truth laid in front of her.
Falling in love with a girl who has been used to being the second option will be extremely complicated. She will tell you she likes you, but not enough to be with you. She will kiss you, but not enough to make love. But Darling, believe me once she realizes that you are the reason why she never became the first choice, you will experience a heaven you never thought you can discern.