Craigslist Casual Encounters I Might Post


M Looking 4 a GILDCF (Grandma I’d Like to Do Chores For)

I am a white male in his mid-twenties with a medium build. I live in New York, and my grandmother lives in the suburbs of Boston. I am looking for a little old lady who will tell me how tall and strong I am for taking things off of shelves and opening jars, no strings attached. Very few little old ladies probably browse this section, but if you know any, please e-mail me.

One Spite Stand – m4w

You are the girlfriend of my nemesis. At a party we are all at together, you laugh super loud at all of my jokes in front of him.

Looking for my Perfect Compliment – m4m

I am a heterosexual male in a relationship looking for a gay male to offer to buy me a drink while my girlfriend is in the bathroom. I will politely explain that I am not gay, and we will both laugh. My girlfriend will return, and you will tell her I have striking eyes. Everyone will feel nice about it, and it won’t be weird at all.

Looking for a One-Sided Platonic Interaction m4w

Here’s the scene. We meet in a bar. I’m wearing a steel-blue necktie over a black dress shirt. You’re super hot and wearing a red dress. You make eyes at me while I drink a Coke and chat with my friends. I accidentally catch your gaze and offer a weak smile. As I leave with my buddies, one of them remarks: “That chick in the red dress was totally into you.” I smile and play it off, even though I think he was right. Then I go home alone and feel self-righteous about not cheating on my girlfriend who was away on business in Denver. Don’t judge me. It’s just what I’m into.

I Like It Dirty – m4bedroom

I’m looking for anyone with a bedroom messier than mine. I don’t want to roll around in your dirty clothes or anything weird. I just want to see it and not feel so bad about the squalor in which I live.

I C Sum Ladies Who Should Be Havin My Baby, Baby – m4big

I see you across the bar, rapping the lyrics to “Hypnotize” by the Notorious B.I.G. I choose “Mo Money, Mo Problems” on the jukebox. We alternate verses and high five. We never speak again. Also, I would love it if you’d call me Big Poppa. Your gender and physical appearance are unimportant.

Bro No Sexual – m4m

Man seeking man to act like a leering creep at a bar so I can step in and be a gentleman and seem like a real good guy. You’ll be wearing a backwards baseball cap and Axe Body Spray. I’ll be the one saying: “Is this guy bothering you?”

Seeking Something Spicy and Ethnic in the Afternoon – m4burrito

Me: A white guy who loves burritos. You: A taqueria employee from El Salvador. I order in Spanish. You compliment my pronunciation. I tip generously.

Ready 2 Play Ball – sox4sox

We are two men wearing Red Sox caps in my neighborhood in Harlem. We make eye contact and exchange wordless nods. This can be a one-time thing, or we can do it every time we see each other if you live near me.

service me pleeze – m4hmo

You work at my health insurance company. I call you with a question about my bill. You answer immediately without putting me on hold. You promise to reimburse me for medical costs that are clearly covered under my plan. I reluctantly agree to eat the cost of the twenty-dollar co-pay, which was five dollars more than I had expected. I promise to be courteous and respectful. We will both leave the exchange satisfied.

Kazaam! – m4shaq

Man seeking Shaq for some no strings attached fist pounds.

blast from the past – m4m(emories)

If we went to high school together, I would like to run into you when I’m home for the holidays. You can tell me who from our class is married, who is dead, and who lives out of state. We will promise to hang out in the future, but probably we will not.

The Hair Up There – m seeking 2w

I’ve always had this fantasy of being with two women at once, neither of whom asks me how long I’ve been bald. If you can be one of those women, hit me up. Don’t try any sex stuff! Gross!

Grownups Only, Plz – m4peace&quiet

This may sound weird, but I’m a guy looking to meet an airplane full of people who don’t have any screaming infants at all. I’m not asking for much of your time. Just five hours of cross-country travel. Seriously, though, no screaming infants. I’ve been burned before.

no thnx – m4dignity

You’re a guy who wears sandals when it’s forty-five degrees outside. Let’s never meet.

You should follow Thought Catalog on Twitter here.

image – David Shankbone