Confessions Of A 2017 Rachel Green


“We were on a breeeeaaaaakkk.”

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One of the most famous lines of the 90s from what show?

Friends of course.

The epic love story between Ross and Rachel. Fast forward 19 almost 20 years later, older than my sister but whatever and you will see me – your modern day Rachel Green, without “The Rachel bob” naturally. Not the one parading around screaming those dreadful words; trying to make an excuse for my behavior because I simply thought I lost the love of my life. I’m storming away, slamming doors and sympathizing with Rachel because DUDE, have your time to be sad over me, better yourself, and then prove to me that all will be okay! You know why? “Because life without me a sucks.” Hopefully this isn’t the part of our reality show where he wants his stuff back because well I’ve been living in it since this break began… Boys, what do you not get about that?

Breaks can be tricky, Ross (and my boyfriend?!?) can have that one. It can sometimes be like a giant gray paint blob thrown onto my Kate Spade black and white planner. Confusing, like what the hell? Why are you there, and how did you get there? But unlike what Rachel couldn’t say 20 years ago, or women in between then and now agonize over this exhausting, unclear, debate with their boyfriends simply because they wanted them to realize on their own. I am here to explain what we want from a break, because much like my Kate Spade planner boys are very much black and white.

HELLO, we want someone to f*#%!?g fight for us. Chances are we the women have spent the majority of our time making sure this relationship runs more smoothly than the Titanic. Even though the outcome can potentially be the same as the Titanic since said break has been declared. These boys/men, whatever the hell you call them are clueless and cannot get their sh*t together until something is almost gone.

Rachel didn’t actually want to go on a break, much like myself – duh?

It seemed like the best thing to do because I am/was exhausted. Who wants to sort through the is this okay or not side of things; am I single or do I fall in the ‘it’s complicated’ status. I only wanted to feel appreciated and adored for my absence, that the things we fought over do not matter any longer because my presence is worth more than a silly argument. I wanted time to myself while of course missing my boyfriend and checking every social media platform in rapid fire time. If only Rachel had that access, maybe she’d surprise Ross at the bar with her friends to make him jealous, plot twist? As for him – he needs to realize that I do in fact make his life easier and bring joy to it in the tiniest of ways he never realized. All while considering some of the more than annoying habits I remind him (not nag, I’m not my mother) about, such as no I don’t think that person wants to have sex with me? If so, I don’t want him, so sit down and shut up. Repetitive conversations we have can be reevaluated during this time of sadness and sorrow on his part. Mostly because you’re wrong more so than you like to believe.

Hence why this break began, so now is an excellent time to venture through that and work up the courage to say sorry, I love you, don’t leave me again at the end of the break.

BOOM, end of break and I will magically become the girlfriend of your dreams because I will feel loved, appreciated, and respected the only things 90’s and Millennial (me) Rachel care happen.