Be There For The Person You Love, And Let Them Be


Never try to change the person you love. What they already are is the basis why you fell in love with them. Don’t try to change that base, that foundation. Every time you do, you shake it little by little.

Be there for them always, and just let them be.

Unless there is a danger to their health or wellbeing due to the actions they do, there’s no need to pester them to change.

If it’s a habit/trail of them that you don’t like, that’s NEWLY acquired, ask yourself first if what you expect to be changed is even valid or doable. Most importantly, would doing it compromise their values, or the principles they have? If it doesn’t, and if you feel it’s important enough, you may tell them in simple words and in a peaceful tone like ‘Hey, I don’t like it, it hurts me.’ But leave it at that. Let them decide whether or not to stop it. Let them experiment, let them fail; let them rise, by themselves. Let them be free to choose. This is letting someone be.

Ideally, the best way to know whether something should be changed in a person you love is, do they have the same expectation about it from you too? If no, then you’re most probably being unrealistic about it.

But never try to make someone compromise their values, even if your set doesn’t match theirs. Accept that they are different (that way) and love them all the same. And if the person you love tells you several times that they would have to compromise their values to change, believe them, and let the thing go. The feelings of this person, your relationship, and understanding them in such a situation are more important than anything else here.

Above all have belief in the fact that they love you regardless of this thing; that not doing certain things according to your wishes or ways doesn’t mean they don’t care about you /don’t consider you important in their life. And yes, never ever accuse or interrogate even if it’s repeated.

Even if they fail, or realize their mistake (if it is really a mistake) don’t give them the ‘I told you so’. Nor does it mean you are always right. Regardless of the thing you don’t like, stand strong by them, accept that it is, and love them. If they were right since the beginning, you’d make a fool of yourself when YOU finally realize that you were wrong and blew trivial things to ridiculous proportions. In any case, just be there, ever present, so that your presence without complaints is comforting, feels warm and loving. This is called being there for them always.

Once they know that you are always there, and you just let them be, (through your actions, not always words) their respect for you will grow manifold.

After all, like Charles Schulz said, “In life, it’s not where you go, it’s who you travel with.” If the one you love is the one you want to be with, travel with forever; just accept this special person for who they are, and always believe that the place you’ll end up, together, will be amazing. And the journey to that place may be more interesting than the place itself!

You know you just can’t let go of people you love. You may as well cherish them the way they are. Respect their individuality. And one day, maybe one day, you’ll be their vision of love.