I know people who know how to fight and repudiate their inner demons. I know others who have been dancing among them, enjoying their favorite piece of hell; darkness. The truth is, when you are strong enough, you can do both. Knowing your passions and limits, never being drifted by unfortunate waves that could wreck you, just like the sea waves on a rock’s surface, or the morning sunny rays hitting the hills from every side. That reminds me of a human being, who has been hit by criticism, worthiness, and fear all over its head.
I’ve spent all my life moving. I was 5 years old when I first moved out of town, from the capital of Athens, to a small town in northern Greece. My parents had just broken up, I had my mom by my side, telling me everything it’s going to be okay. It was that time when I met my first demon, crawling inside my heart to the top of my head and causing me nightmares. How can a 5 year old little girl fight such a big battle? I could listen to my mom cry some nights while she thought I was asleep, but she didn’t know what kind of angel she had beside her.
We’ve changed so many places, some were beautiful with the nicest people, but some were the worst and everything around me was cold and empty. It was hard to change schools constantly before you even hit adolescence. Sometimes meeting new people it’s exciting, but when it becomes your routine you are tired of reliving a situation. I was really exhausted once I finally settled after 5 continuous moves, and it was when I found out I was moving to the United States. My heart was racing, I was anxious and scared, I didn’t know what was going on in my own head. What would be next? What could possible go wrong? What could possibly go right too.
I was 15 when I moved to California. New culture, new language, new people, new life. I was proud of myself for experiencing such a thing, nobody knew though how hard it was to accustom in that kind of lifestyle. Everything was so new to me and many times I felt people didn’t like me because I was the foreigner. There were times I was going for lunch at the bench outside of the toilets, and I remember hiding in the toilet afterwards until I could hear the bell ringing. The first couple of weeks are always the hardest.
I stayed in Cali for a year, I started to get used to the place, my new life and started to have fun with my new, awesome friends. Then, the second demon visited. We had to move to Wisconsin. It was rapid. ”Not again” I said. I wasn’t just tired, I was excruciated and petrified. I was fighting my battles alone after that, nobody seemd to really care of how I would feel. Losing friends and aquaintances once more. After I moved, I realized how different in culture and lifestyle the states are. Some are black and white, and I for sure experienced it.
All the difficulties helped me become what I am today.
I want to take full responsibility for myself, take better care of me, help me and help others overcome struggles. I have grown as a soul, and for sure as a mind. I’ve become more transparent and wealthy, not moneywise but wealthy of experiences. Now, I am writing from my home bed in Athens, thinking of what I’ve been through, making everything seem more positive. I wasn’t moving all these years, I was travelling, I was meeting the world. I am so thankful now that I was raised with obstacles, because when life is easy you take it for granted.