My Name Is O
O wasn’t sure what to search for next, because O didn’t know who or what he was.
Messages Left On Carly Rae Jepsen’s Voicemail
Hey Carly, me again. It’s New Years Eve. I’m pretty drunk and you’re on TV.
A Guy From 2003 Wakes Up Out Of A Coma
Can I use someone’s Motorola Razr? I need to leave a voicemail for my girlfriend on her landline.
What Women Want (Bugs Bunny Vs. Lennie)
I remember one time she came over and I had cleaned my room, lit a candle, and put on a particularly cheesy album to play to soundtrack my romance that night. And she laughed at it.
The Ballad Of Coffee Shops, Copy Editing, And Ignorant Paul
That hat cost $80. That man had $80 to spend on a hat. That man had a job and a lifestyle which afforded him the cost of a week’s worth of Paul’s groceries for something the man could wear on his head.
What Your Favorite HBO Show Says About You
You love sex but hate genitalia. It takes you 11 hours to tell a story that would take anybody else 10 minutes.
Broing Out With Hitler
Sometimes you orchestrate your will over others and take control of an entire country. And I mean, who HASN’T done that, am I right?
How To Occupy Wall Street
Marvel at the fact that people are getting arrested on the one-year anniversary.
Sitting Across From Bret Easton Ellis
You wonder about that NYU freshman kid in the purple sweatshirt and what his story is and whether, to be honest, he’d be more interesting than Bret Easton Ellis because Bret Easton Ellis has kind of just, well, given up, it seemed, which was a horrible thing to think about a guy that was sitting right in front of you…
Jesus, VP Of Marketing At GodCo™
He remembered what people of Earth were like. Most people on Earth, he remembered, reacted to nearly every situation like a particularly intelligent dog being shown how to operate heavy machinery.