Unsolicited Explanation of a Grill

The plural of grill is not grills but “grillz”; such liberty in spelling has rhetorical agenda which stem from disenfranchised urban communities asserting their own vernacular as a form of cultural dissent and self-empowerment. The usurpation of plural ‘s’ to ‘z’ is recognized as “street cred.”

You’ve Got Mail Is Sick

You’ve Got Mail (1998) cost $65,000,000 to make and made $250,821,495 at the box office, which is a profit of $185,821,495.…

How To Be A 30-Something

Turn on Pandora and earnestly contemplate suicide when it believes that you might enjoy Macklemore.

Anal Reflections

When kindred wails, it is our evolutionary impulse to go nearer, as if to choose between saving them, or getting a better view of their demise by which to commemorate them.

Girls Gone Wild Scammed My Dad

Girls Gone Wild spent upwards of $20 million annually in direct-response marketing, mainly in late night 30-minute infomercials, whose demographic were idle middle-aged men near the end of their libido watching television at 2:00 a.m.

Open Letter To My Cat At Dawn

I have opposable thumbs, you don’t. I can open the cat food, you can’t. I know where Petco is, you don’t. I’ve read Ulysses, you haven’t. These are examples of me looking down at you on the evolutionary chart.