I Fell In Love With A Married Mannequin

What does all this prove? Only that we want things we think we want but do not, and the things we had but gave away, those are the things we want more than anything.

A Love Letter To My Balls

I would take a picture of you and send it back to you, because even though I know everyone would like to see you, you alone deserve to gaze upon your dumplings.

100 Apologies

I’m sorry. It’s clear now. We never had a shot.

Everyone’s Guide To Gender Equality

Until we untie ourselves from the idea that one group of people is bad and the other is good, nothing will change. There will be a million more wasteful blog posts. A billion meaningless hashtags.

One Long Sad Sentence

I could submit to this place or write for that place, or go on a run, or look at someone’s Twitter and dream I have their life of writing lists for Buzzfeed by day and selling adorable but profane embroidery by night

Jesus At The Beer Festival

And though Jesus had made the two women, composed their breasts from nothing, even caused the sun to rise and give them that slightest twinge of brown, he couldn’t help but regret making their forms so healthy.

How To Embarrass Yourself Completely

She invited me to the lit party as well. It would celebrate writers, and people who knew writers, and bloggers who once dated people who called themselves writers.