I sit here writing this surrounded by my various Apple products and Starbucks, wearing my usual Sperry’s and leggings. I am the stereotypical American white girl. Judge me, rest of the world. Due to social networks (looking at you, tumblr), I’ve become the epitome of this stereotype; thus, I present to you: An Open Letter to the Stereotypical White Girl.
Dear other stereotypical white girls,
It’s fall. This is our time to shine. Our prime, if you will. October is our favorite month. National Mean Girls Day, pumpkin flavored items are back, scarf season; it’s like a perfect storm of everything that makes us who we are.
I’m going to begin by getting the negative out of the way. There are some things some of us do that just need to not be a thing. Don’t get offended. You’re all my sisters in white girl-ness, and I still love you.
Problems I have with the white girl stereotype:
- Uggs. Stop trying to make them happen. They never should have happened. They should stop happening.
- Tanning. Ladies, skin cancer isn’t worth it.
- Dressing like hipsters. You’re not one. Don’t try to be one. Telling people you are one doesn’t make you any more of one. You’re a stereotypical white girl. Everything a hipster doesn’t want to be. Own it.
- Twerking. Unless you are blessed with a twerk-worthy booty, stop. That is until you get alcohol in you, because then YOUR DANCING GETS SO MUCH BETTER, obvi.
- Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Just why?
- Playing dumb. Hashtag I can’t.
Society tries bringing us down as a population by making us seem shallow and unintelligent. It’s okay. I’m here for you. So what if we like Starbucks more than we like a lot of things in life? It’s described as “the place for people who don’t know anything about coffee.” That’s okay with me. It’s not like I actually like regular old black coffee anyway. I would much rather drink something that tastes nothing like coffee and is high in calorie count. Sue me. I am completely unashamed to admit that I can quote Mean Girls word for word and may or may not have a pin board devoted to Ryan Gosling memes and my inevitable dream wedding to him (because it’s going to happen. My condolences to the rest of you). I might be overly patriotic (Is there such a thing?), I love my dog more than I love people (but she’s so cute. How can you not?), and deep down I really like playing video games (despite the fact that I absolutely suck at them). We’ve mastered the “sorority squat”; but sorry, it’s a technique that makes us look better in pictures than anyone else ever will. I will continue to talk about the embarrassingly large amount of time I spend on Netflix watching shows about vampires and Pretty Little Liars. Judge me, society, judge me. I’m definitely not the only one.
But, excuse me, I have a “Crafts That I’ll Never Actually Do” pinboard waiting for me.
Signing off in the wise words of Carrie Bradshaw (who might be my spirit animal): “They say nothing lasts forever; dreams change, trends come and go, but friendships never go out of style.” Here’s to you, white girls.
On Wednesdays we wear pink.