An Open Letter To My Ex-Boyfriend’s New Girlfriend


I know why you fell for him. His eagerness to share everything about his childhood, his family, his fears, his aspirations. He didn’t play games with you. He texted you when he was free and he let you know when he was busy. He sat with you forehead to forehead telling you that he’s over “playing around” and that all he wants is to fall in love—with you. He swears he’s never felt the way he does now. But what you don’t know yet is that he’s not into playing around with other girls. He’s into playing around with your heart.

He’s good at making you feel special. He’s amazing at drawing you in. But this is what he does. His passions are tidal waves that take him over. He won’t think about anything else other than what he’s focused on at that moment in time. And right now you’re it. You’re his obsession. He doesn’t think about anything that isn’t you and you feel chosen, you feel special, you feel unique, and you feel loved in a way you didn’t know was possible.

It doesn’t last. He can’t focus his attention on you forever. He’ll move on to something new, and he won’t kick you out of his life, but you’ll start to wonder what you did wrong. You’ll wonder if it’s just your relationship calming down, or if he’s starting to forget how brilliantly he used to believe you shined.

Don’t let it hurt you. Don’t let it deter you.

He probably still loves you. When he commits to something he sees it through until the bitter end. He loves passionately. But when he stops prioritizing you, you’ll have to figure out if he’s all that you thought he was.

Here’s what you deserve: His attention. His affection. His time. His patience. His support.

Here’s what you don’t deserve: A relationship maintained through text messages. His uncertainty of whether he has time to see you. His anxiety upon “having” to plan dates with you. Having conversations consistently turned away from you to focus back on him.

You deserve more than the man I used to know. And I hope that you not only know that, but that you don’t need to know that, because that man doesn’t exist anymore.

I can’t say that I was thrilled when I learned he was seeing someone new, but I can say that I sincerely hope you’re the one for him. I hope you teach him how to love you consistently, and appropriately. I hope that when he tells you he loves you, he actually believes it. I hope he doesn’t bring tears to your eyes regularly, and I hope you make him smile that wide, unbelievably genuine smile that I will always remember in the back of my mind.

And, if it turns out that you two are not meant to be, I hope you aren’t broken by him. There will be others who prove themselves to be worthy of your love. He might need more time to figure out exactly what he wants, to learn how to balance his passions, and to realize that the word “love” should not be so easily given and taken. It won’t be your fault if he hasn’t figured this out yet.

Take care of him because he might be worth it. Take care of yourself because you definitely are.

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