An Open Letter To My Ex Best Friends

Remember our late night drive? That time when we almost crashed your car in the middle of nowhere; we were laughing so hard and instead of worrying, we just enjoyed being young and dumb for a while. How about those times when we stayed on your roof? The blanket of stars and their glimmer were our only light. We talked about everything – we stayed up late as if we’re not worrying at all about anything. Do you remember how connected we were – how our friendship was meant to be, how we always had each other’s back and how long we’ve managed to stay at each other’s side; her, you and me?

Up to now I still can’t fathom why.

Why did it have to end?

Why were you so eager to get out of my life?

Was I at fault – was I the one to blame,

was I the reason that our friendship is in disarray?

I’m really not an easy person to be with – being my friend is work.

I do things that can sabotage any relationships that I have, and almost had.

This is my sickness – and I can’t seem to get out from it;

but from all people who left and got exhausted for being with me,

why did it have to be you,

how can you both leave me here, alone and blue?

Breakups hurt, but ending friendships hurt the most.

It brought a gaping hole inside my heart that no one can ever fill –

it embarked something in me, that I can never get rid of.

Somehow, I realized maybe it was my fault.

I was so indulged with the thought of prioritizing myself before anyone,

to the point of disregarding the fact that no man is an island –

that I can never function on my own,

that I will always need to be connected with people,

that I –

will always long for and miss you two.

For now, I will support both of you from afar –

and constantly wish you all the best.

Someday, somewhere, I know, we again will meet,

at a coffee shop maybe, and then we’ll have:

one tall Green Tea Latte,

one bottle of Sola,

and one tall Strawberry Frappe,

the same way we did, during our good, old times.