When the time has passed and you’ve moved on. When the wounds have healed and turned into scars. After you’ve figured out how to go about again with your everyday life, suddenly you hear the barista call their name at the little coffee spot they frequent. You can’t help but feel hot, flush, tense up and look around. A sigh of relief and disappointment all in one when you see it’s not them.
Soon, your head is flooded with memories and you stop to wonder how they might be doing. So, you sit there outside the coffee shop, just as you had done before, wondering, looking, staring at the world passing by. You wonder what would have happened had you seen them. Your heart and mind play a game of tug of war between wishing you would have seen them to never wanting to see them ever again.
Just then, the healed wound gets jabbed and slightly undone. You sit there in that wonder and hurt, just for that time that you need to. Your heart aches, and you miss them, but just in those moments.
As you sip that warm cappuccino and feel the weather change from summer to fall, you’re reminded of the gradual changes of the relationship. Just as the seasons change, so did you, and so did he. You fell apart like leaves falling from trees, no matter how much you tried to keep everything together—slowly, one by one, then like a gust of wind, all at once.
You wonder how everything could have fallen apart so quickly, as they had once so seamlessly, naturally fallen together. As much as it hurts to look at those scars again, you are thankful for the good times. You are thankful for the lessons the bad taught you. You realize just how much you’ve healed and grown as an individual. You realize it’s okay to miss them from time to time.
As you stare at the bottom of your empty cup, you snap back to life. You take a deep breath, blink away the water in your eyes, stand up, and take one more glance around the coffee shop. You smile and continue your day, taking nothing with you than those memories in your head and feelings in your heart every time you hear their name.