7 Annoying Habits Of Suburban People On Social Media


1. The Compulsive Dog Picture Poster

Okay, we get it. Your dog is super adorable and this is the only real relationship you have going on in your life right now. After picture #857 I can tell what it looks like. It’s a dog.

2. That One Lady That Tags Everywhere She Goes

8:50 a.m. Karen is at Perfect Body Yoga ☺ – Feeling Excited
9:30 a.m. Karen is at Karen’s House Post workout rest! ☹ – Feeling Tired
12:00 p.m. Karen is at Starbuck’s Splurging on a no milk no sugar no actual ingredients low calorie latte! I’m a bad girl! – Feeling wintery
1:30 p.m. Karen is at Whole Foods Stocking up on kale and water!
2:00 p.m. Karen is at Karen’s House
For the love of God, Karen…

3. The Parent Living Vicariously Through Their Children

Oh, your son got into college? He just got a job at O’Charley’s? Last night he went to the movies with his other equally attractive friends? He just ate a bowl of Cheerios? This morning he just had a fantastically large bowel movement? What a proud parent you must be, and in no way could you be content with just having a decent human being of a son without telling your entire Facebook friend list.

4. The Oblivious “The Onion” Article Poster

Dave: “Oh my God. I cannot believe Tom Hanks trapped Robert Redford in his cellar! I thought Tom was such a good guy?! How could he do such a heinous thing to a movie legend?! Shame…”
Someone please help Dave.

5. The Girl Whose Life Is Better Than Yours

Natalie: “I just wanted to say thank you SO much to my amazing boyfriend for taking me out to a $500 steak dinner last night and the beautiful walk down the river we had afterward. I can’t believe you spent so much money on the diamond necklace and Michael Kors watch! Happy 6 months, baby. I love you so much!”
Because, you know, thanking him in person was too subtle.

6. The Photographer With 1000 Of The Same Exact Picture

Really? I can literally just hear you saying “Okay, now take one where I’m half smiling. Okay, now full smile. Okay, now let me turn ten degrees to the left. Oh shoot, my hair was in front of my arm; I want it behind my arm, one more!”

7. The Shitty-Sunset-Instagram Poster

Actually, I’m probably guilty of this. You haven’t lived unless you’ve taken a terrible iPhone picture of the sunset with some eyesore of a light pole in the corner as garnish and run it through a grainy filter to make it that much more awful.