6 Reasons I Would Be Kicked Off The Bachelor

This coming Monday, the most recent season of the bachelorette will come to a close. Kaitlyn will finally choose the person she’s going to be engaged to for the next four to six months (hopefully longer! I do really like her!). But the conversation has now turned to who will be the next bachelor, and it’s not even a conversation at all. Ben H. has got it, hands down. My friends and I have all debated applying to date this perfect specimen and I have landed firmly in the “no chance in hell” camp. If by some miracle they did actually put me on that show, I would be gone so fast and here are 6 reasons why.

1. I could never come up with a “cute” limo entrance.

My entrance would just be me saying my name, which he would promptly forget because seriously who can remember 25 new names in under an hour? RIP reality dreams.

2. I will not risk my life for love.

That means no bungee jumping, rappelling off buildings, sky diving or whatever ridiculous stunt they come up with to bond us.

3. I am not tan enough.

Hear me out, have you ever seen a pale person on this show? The answer is no. I’m pretty sure they would be truly offended by the fact that you can see my veins.

4. I don’t have a tragic back-story.

Other than my constant battle with the sun, my life is drama-free. Damn you stable upbringing! How will America love me now?

5. I would get too drunk at one point or another.

Past contestants have said that it is basically an open bar the entire show. I’m not saying I have a problem or anything, but it would only be a matter of time until I jumped naked into that pool.

6. I could NEVER kiss someone on T.V.

The instant I thought about that the fact that my grandparents/boss/random stranger could be watching a boy shove his tongue down my throat would kill the mood for sure.