6 Pieces Of Jewelry Every Girl Has Owned: A Chronology


1. Beaded karma bracelets

The ultimate stocking stuffer/ bestie gift in 5th grade. You had the red one for love, the white one for peace, and the blue one for never getting tagged in Marco Polo.

Fate: Many got displaced in various places around the elementary school yard, at least one you lost in a pokemon showdown, and your last two broke during math, sending fire colored dragon-eye beads all over the floor. Talk about humiliating, who said these were good luck?

2. Puka shell necklace

Bought in the Summer of 2005 from a Claire’s, obviously (or a gift shop on the jersey shore. You can’t quite remember). The thing is that this beachy beauty is not actually made of puka shells, but rather small rubber disks dyed pink and blue…because nothing says surfer chick quite like compound isoprene!

Fate: You had to retire if after its demon screw back caught your neck baby hairs FOR THE LAST TIME.

3. Tiffany locket

The like, loan thing on your Christmas list, and like, clearly most important. Its not really a locket so much as some variation of heart, but you like, totally got the oval one because you didn’t want to match your five best friends. Well actually, Kim had the uber expensive chunky one, but that’s because she’s like totally spoiled and her parents are like bankers. Or something.

Fate: You took it off for gymnastics practice and it got knotted in your backpack. Your mom is still swearing she is going to take it to the jeweler.

4. Pearl necklace

This either came to you in a musty old velvet pouch your grandmother Marg gave you, or it was thrown to you by the emcee at Sam’s sweet sixteen. Real or fake, you decide it looks totally hip knotted like all Flapper style, except you wear it with Abercrombie cable knit sweaters. It’s like old world money, and totally preppy chic, perfect for hitting the diner with your crew.

Fate: You either broke it, or your mom confiscated them deeming it ridiculous for a 15 year old to be wearing real pearls to TGIFridays.

5. Feather earrings

Procured from an arts and crafts festival a town over when you were going through a listen-to-your-parent’s-old-the-Doors-albums bohemian phase. (Buying from local Indian artisans it totally something your mom would have done in the 70s). You ignore the fact it is probably not from a bird of paradise or macaw, but more likely from pigeon roadkill. (Or worse, from Michael’s Arts and Crafts).

Fate: Your dog chewed on one of them, making the feathery delightfulness stuck together and piece-y all at the same time (not so unlike the time you experimented with your brother’s hair wax). Anyway, Rufus was just trying to tell you your hair looks shitty in a middle part, because that’s what best friends are for.

6. Midi-ring

You bought it this past winter on the Forever 21 checkout line. It’s Lorde and mythical witchy 90s goodness in the best way possible. You squealed with glee because your Essie Wicked just found a new best friend. Your hands haven’t had this much fun since you downloaded CandyCrush.

Fate: It fell off at the bar because a knuckle is a stupid place to put jewelry, and you may have had one too many fireball shots. Oh yeah, and you were fixing your Lauren’s hair in the bathroom. Lauren had a bad night. Whatever, it was like a dollar.