50 Signs You Watch Way Too Much Wrestling


I will admit that I watch wrestling more than I should [at my age]. Here are 50 obvious signs that you’ve been watching too much wrestling.

1. Something smells really good in the kitchen. You walk in, look up, and yell ‘If you smeeeell….what The Rock….is cooking!’

2. You start calling everyone brother, including your sister.

3. You see somebody leaning on a rail or banister, and get the sudden urge to clothesline them over it.

4. You do the Triple H entrance spit after taking a sip of drink.

5. After flipping someone the bird, you get a compulsion to kick them in the gut and hit them with a Stunner.

6. You open two beers at once and smash them against each other, before proceeding to pour them all over your face [you try to pour it in your mouth, but it never works].

7. You start walking up to random people in the street and yelling ‘you’re firrrreeeed!’

8. You say ‘quite frankly’ in every sentence.

9. You walk into a room full of people, expecting entrance music.

10. You walk into a room and do the Randy Orton pose.

11. Anytime you see somebody lying on the floor, you want to perform a leg or elbow drop on them.

12. Anytime you see somebody lying on the floor, you want to look in a submission move on them.

13. Every time you have a microphone in your hand, you want to cut a promo [even at an important meeting].

14. You’re still pissed off at the World Wildlife Fund.

15. You walk around the house with a replica title belt on your shoulder cautiously, expecting to be attacked at any time.

16. You call lies ‘works.’

17. When watching other sports, you expect the referee to get knocked out at some stage.

18. When picking something up off the floor, you are tempted to low blow the nearest person to you.

19. You want to try out submission moves on your family.

20. You want to join a wrestling school, and the nearest one being five hours away doesn’t faze you.

21. You pin your dog and make the three count.

22. You pin your cat and make the three count.

23. You pin your hamster and make the three count.

24. You cover a baby [lightly] when it’s sleeping and make a [quiet] three count.

25. You’re proud of the fact that you read…though all the books on your shelf are wrestling related.

26. You stay up till 4am in another country, to watch Raw, even though you have to be up the next morning by 5.

27. When the wrestler you hoped would win, does, and you feel like everything is right with the world again.

28. You see a crowd of people, take off your shirt, and throw it to them.

29. You see a crowd of people, take off your glasses and throw it to them.

30. You do the ‘suck it’ motion to people who just missed the bus you’re on.

31. You elbow drop yourself on to the mattress when going to bed.

32. You get up and celebrate a win on your wrestling videogame.

33. While in a book shop, you’re frustrated that you can’t find any comic books featuring The Hurricane.

34. Any time you hear the world alliance or Invasion mentioned in relation to history, you think of the WCW/ECW angle.

35. You’re bored and buy yourself a wrestling coloring book [because it’s cheap….and you’re bored….right].

36. You argue with 12 years old on internet wrestling forums.

37. You take people saying ‘wrestling is fake’ very badly, even though you know it is.

38. Somebody tells you wrestling is stupid and you agree, but you keep watching anyway.

39. When you can’t believe your luck that your vehicle license plate has WCW on it [not common but it happened to me].

40. You keep your old license plate because it had WCW on it.

41. You say ‘down’ whenever somebody says smack.

42. Hitting Rock Bottom means something totally different to you than it does to the person giving their story at an AA meeting.

43. Somebody saying ‘I’m a Christian’ confuses you because you know what Christian looks like and it aint the person who claims to be him.

44. You name your dog ‘fella.’

45. When someone mentions the New World Order running the world, and you wonder how they went from taking over WCW to taking over the world so fast.

46. When two politicians argue, you think they should settle it in the ring.

47. You ‘mark out’ every time you see a wrestler in the movie.

48. While planning a holiday, you search for the Smackdown and Heartbreak hotels as places to stay.

49. You watch a documentary on Diamond Cutters and shout BANG every few minutes.

50. You feel the need to write a list of 50 signs that you watch too much wrestling.