Sometimes we all need a little confidence booster, someone to give us pep talks and pointers. Who better to help you in your pickup quest than someone with inside knowledge? She’s been the target of countless dudes and knows what works and what doesn’t. But here’s the trick: It takes a special kind of woman to take you to the Promised Land. After much R&D here are some traits of the best wing women in the business.
1. She cannot be into you—and you can’t have been in her.
This one seems obvious, but any sexual tension or history between you two will throw a wrench in the whole thing. Even if she says that she’s not into you (anymore, at all, etc.), you gotta trust your gut on this one. If she wants you, she will sabotage anyone you talk to so that you’re left with her at the end of the night.
That being said, if you’re into each other, go for it and save yourself the next five minutes of reading this article.
2. You have to trust her.
Your dick’s fate is in her hands—well, her figurative hands. You gotta know that she has your best interests at heart. She’s gotta know your types, the good and the bad. What do I mean by bad types? You know the ladies you start hitting up around bar time after a few too many shots of Fireball? (Lord have mercy if you chased those shots with anything). You know who I’m talking about. The women who, if you were sober, you wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole, but you wanna poke with your pole when you’re piss-drunk? Yeah, your wing woman has to know when to pull you aside, smack you across the face, and leave a message to sober you.
She also has to know your good type (obviously). Check out her #WomanCrushWednesdays or ask her which of her friends she would set you up with to get a good feel for whether she gets you or not.
3. She has to be friendly and outgoing (but not self-centered).
If she’s going to be any help at all, she needs to be able to strike up conversations with men and women easily. This is where she is going to be able to help you the most: Girls don’t really need much reason to start talking to each other, and drunk girls (especially) have a tendency to become BFFs stupid quick. Let your wing woman go get an in with the girl you like, and have her bring them to you (or you to them). That way you’re being invited into the conversation, not just barging in (which can be a little intimidating for some chicks), and now you and the girl you like have something in common: being friends with your wing woman.
She also has to be able to take a step back and let you and your new friend get to know each other. This might mean bringing up interesting facts about you, or talking you up in a variety of other ways, but eventually she should phase herself out of the conversation. Bringing me to my next point…
4. She has to be able to hold her own.
If it’s just you two going out together, you have to know that when you’re making out with your new girl that she’ll be fine. Not puking-in-the-bathroom “fine” or sulking in the corner “fine.” But actually cool with making new friends, hitting on dudes (or chicks, whatever her flavor), or just calling it a night when her mission is complete. Carrying your unconscious/sobbing/pissy wing woman to a cab is a huge mood killer.
5. She can be pretty, but not too pretty (unless you’re shooting for the stars tonight, killer).
As a general rule you want other women to notice that you have attractive lady friends. It makes you seem hotter. But if your wing woman is the hottest chick at the bar: a) she’s not going to be much help to you because she’s probably going to get hit on a lot; b) other women will be intimidated by her and probably assume that you’re more interested in her than you are in them.
Now if you’re looking to take home a solid 10, then by all means bring a wing woman who’s a 10. She will show the other super models in the room that you’re not a total douchebag (please don’t prove me wrong on this one) and are worth their time, because you are worth hers. Since this only works if you are swimming in a sea of 10s, be prepared to a-bar with your wing woman (maybe buy her some Taco Bell on the way home—she worked hard for you bro) if you roll into a bar filled with only conventionally attractive women.
In the end, your wing woman is gotta be someone that cares about you and someone that you trust. She’s probably already one of your good friends, so the search shouldn’t be that hard. Just keep calm and trust your wing woman.