Thinking back on most of my romantic relationships, I was always attracted to the “asshole, fuckboy (that’s what they call them nowadays, right?), or the fancy terminology “emotionally unavailable.” It took a long time, lots of tears, fears, and inner battles to finally realize it really wasn’t them, it was me.
The Merriam-Webster’s definition of self-esteem is “A confidence and satisfaction in oneself”; the (by)Yana definition of “self-esteem” is the foundation of every decision we make in our lives, including who we fall for, simply because we accept the love we THINK we deserve.
Have you ever really thought about what you deserve? What do you really deserve out of life and love? And, most importantly, WHY do you deserve this? My guess is most of you reading this will find this question difficult to answer because most of us never really took the time out to fall in love with ourselves, so how in the world do we expect someone else to fall in love with us?
I don’t blame you. We live in a world where speaking up about our strengths and amazing qualities is looked down upon and often mistaken for “cocky” or “conceited,” but in reality, that’s just a fear or criticism – another system of control we’ve created to limit us from becoming who we’re destined to be!!! (But that’s a whole other blog)
So why do you keep meeting the same fuckboy (or girl) over an over and over again? My theory is you are not ready for the man (or woman) who is will love every inch of you for the rest of your life because you don’t love yourself yet!
I see so many beautiful and smart women lowering their standards for the fantasy relationship they have created in their head and it breaks my heart because I just want to shake them and tell them how much more they deserve. But I know the feeling, I’ve been there before once or twice.
The people we attract are the reflection of who we are and where we are at that point and time in our lives.
Of course, there are exceptions to this theory, ’tis only a theory. But in order for you to meet Mr. Right, you must be Ms. Right For Yourself. You must know yourself to make a choice of who you may potentially want to spend the rest of your life with and if you’re not sure who you are, how can you love a stranger?
Most are looking for the “right” man (or woman) and believe once they meet him (or her) things will change, happiness will finally come and life will be complete but that’s just a chick flick you saw last weekend. In order to bring joy and happiness into your life, you have to do the work! The amazing significant other you will attract will be the cherry on top.
Whether you’re in a thing with a fuckboy currently, or you are the fuckboy (or girl), doesn’t matter, the both of you must to do the work.
How do you think the fuckboy got to where he is today? I know he may look perfect from the outside (cuz, you know, love is blind) but on the inside, he is not that witty, funny, and confident. He is sad, he is lonely, and he is in denial.
BUT wait!!! Don’t try to “fix or save him,” don’t feel sorry for him, and start taking responsibility for yourself and loving yourself more. In case of an airplane emergency, they tell you to put your mask on before helping others, because how can you help others when you, yourself can’t breathe?
So where and how to start loving yourself to attract Mr. Perfect into your life? It’s simple but not easy, you gotta do the work. You might have to take a break, be selfish, and give yourself some time. #SelfCare
1. Figure out who you are. What do you like? Do you even really like taking baths? I took baths for a long time, thinking there were going to relax me because, hey! Everyone said it. But I was so distracted by everything, I never even realized that baths just don’t do it for me. When I finally started to get to know myself, I found other ways to relax that I actually enjoyed.
2. What is one thing you would want to improve about yourself that would truly make you feel more confident? Maybe it’s getting your nails done, finally signing up to the gym, or maybe it’s taking yourself out for lunch! Ahhh, scary I know, but this is where we grow. Being comfortable will just keep you from moving forward. Don’t wait until tomorrow and start NOW!
3. DAILY AFFIRMATIONS!!! Fake it until you make it. This might sound silly, but each morning when you wake up, look in the mirror and come up with at least one self-affirmation that you would like to attract into your life. Our thoughts control our actions, so if your thoughts are negative, your actions will follow. If you don’t know where to start, start with, “I AM WAY TOO GOOD FOR A FUCKBOY AND HE DOES NOT DESERVE EVERYTHING I HAVE TO OFFER” each morning, in the mirror. Eventually, your thoughts will force your actions to follow. *Poof* fuckboy gone and you have now made room for what’s supposed to be.
4. Be brave, Be vulnerable. If not, then you’ll just be hiding behind the walls that you built for yourself and you will never give yourself a chance to build a strong, loving and loyal relationship. Anything worthwhile entitles risk. TAKE IT!
5. Forgive yourself and leave the past where it belongs. You were young.