I have been in my fair share of relationships from high school up until now. I’ve dated across the spectrum, and I can tell you that when they say “don’t judge a book by its cover,” there is some truth behind it. I’ve dated people that looked intimidating and sketchy but whose character was immaculate, and I’ve dated people who looked like the friendly kid next door that you see in movies but were hiding some secrets that you wished you never knew about. I wish I would’ve known what to look out for before I dated these people.
1. If you have to convince yourself to stay, you probably shouldn’t.
This rings true for many different possibilities, but it all comes to the same conclusion in the end. If you’re having an internal battle with yourself about this person, don’t stick around to see if you can win the war, because you shouldn’t have to fight one to begin with.
2. If you feel the need to hide things that they do, you’re probably hiding some form of abuse.
You know the typical ‘girls nights’ or ‘guy time’ that we all have with our besties that undoubtedly lead to conversations about those special people in our lives? Well, if you find that you are changing stories or leaving bits out so your friends don’t worry or tell you something you know you don’t want to hear,then you probably should drop that particular person.
3. If you do a 180.
Personally, I would find myself completely changing to fit someone else. Around that particular person, I would change how I talked and pretty much everything about my personality, and then go back to my loud, that’s-what-she-said, laughing-until-I-can’t-breathe self around other people. It would happen slowly, but when I’d finally realize it, I would be so lost as to who I even was before. You should grow with your person but not feel like you need to change to fit them.
4. If you cry more than you smile when you think of them.
For a long time, I forgot what it was like to feel genuine joy. My eyes were like a sea, and I couldn’t find any land to escape to. I would hear my friends talk about how happy they were and all I could do was come up with some story to make me feel like I was happy too.
5. If you imagine them as someone else.
Now, we all have our celebrity crushes, but if you imagine a life away from the person you’re with because that is what gets you through the day, then you’re not where you should be.
Every relationship is different, and they all have their own challenges because we’re human. As humans, we make mistakes and go through trials that we sometimes lose, and that’s okay. You don’t go into a relationship thinking it’ll end, so how can we tell when one is done? People come and go from our lives for different reasons, but there’s that saying, “You’re either a blessing or a lesson,” and I think it is essential to learn the difference when the time comes. We can hold on to people simply because we’re taught to love with all we have, but there comes a time when those people need to be let go if you reconnect later on, fantastic. If not? That’s okay too. Not all of us are meant to be in each other’s lives forever. We all have different loves, friendships, and pasts, but we all share the same urge to keep those we love in our lives. Just make sure they deserve to be there.