40 Things To Remember About Making The First Move (When You Are Deathly Afraid Of Rejection)

29. Getting rejected is the mandatory step before finding a good match, in the same way that success in the business world often requires failure. Almost no one succeeds on their first try, or their first 10 even.

The best “players” around will tell you that if you go to club and ask one girl to dance, go home with you, whatever, your odds are about a 5% success rate, maybe a bit higher or lower if you are blessed with decent looks or fashion taste (or both!), but not by much, and heres why: beauty IS in the eye of the beholder. Sure some people are more attractive than others by typical societal standards, but pretty much everyone has a type, and you either are their type, or you aren’t. You gotta look at it like this: when someone turns you down they are not “rejecting you” as a person, you just aren’t their type, and thats ok, maybe a guy won’t date a girl taller than him, even if she’s cute, but this guy doesn’t speak on behalf of all dudes, many guys love tall slender girls, most models are this body type in fact. Tons of guys also like petite girls too! Same goes the other way, girls like certain types of guys, some like shy, some like outgoing, some like tall, some like broad (and yes, some even like husky guys).

The nature of having so many possible different types means unfortunately the chances of you being someones type aren’t great but that also means not being someones type isn’t a big deal. Hence bringing us back to the whole 5% odds thing. So if we take this to the extreme and consider it as universally true (which it certainly isn’t) that means someone who takes 1 year to build up the courage to ask someone out will need 10 years (!!!) to ensure meeting someone compatible FOR A SINGLE DANCE OR FIRST DATE (relationships rely on much more than just type and like fuck am i getting into that this is already too long) But someone who goes to the bar and asks 10 people to whatever the fuck you kids do now days will, theoretically (by our very loose model here), find success every time. In reality it doesn’t work out exactly like this because random chance is a thing, and people can develop feelings for someone who isn’t their “type” but you get the idea.

So try to look at “rejection” less as them turning you down as a person, and instead as one step closer to meeting that special someone; finding a match. Also don’t call it rejection that’s inherently harsh, something like incompatible is more appropriate perhaps.