34 Quick And Easy Steps To Lose Your Virginity To A Guy You Meet Online


1. Be an insecure teenager, who (due to mommy issues) only thinks that she is good enough to fuck and not love.

2. Because of this, give into your sister, and make an OkCupid profile, where you’ll obviously find true love!

3. Love the ego boost it gives you when 47-year-old men send you messages asking to be your Sugar Daddy.

4. Find a cute boy who wrote too much on his profile, although seems nice.

5. Rate him highly and visit his profile regularly, anticipate a message.

6. This message will not come, although you DID rate each other highly.

7. Take this as a sign and send him a “Hey!”

8. Upon receiving a response, and exchanging several messages, agree to add him on Facebook.

9. Have doubts when you find out that you went to the same elementary school.

10. Disregard these initial feelings, and decide it must be fate, because, it has to be (duh)!

11. When he asks you out, say yes.

12. Become incredibly nervous for your first (ever) date.

13. He will ask to give you a foot massage…. Be tentative at this point.

14. “Of course he has a foot fetish, this would only happen to me.” (He doesn’t.)

15. Say your goodbyes and drive home.

16. He will text you right after wanting to hang out again (too) soon, say yes.

17. On the second date you will vomit from nervousness, and also meet his (very nice) family.

18. Feel awkward, feel very awkward.

19. On the third date, he will try to have sex with you, Say no and explain to him that you are a virgin. After all, we haven’t even talked about US!

20. He will then talk about “us” and ask you to be his summer girlfriend.

21. Ignore the red flag, and say yes, because hello! Someone FINALLY wants you!

22. Have sex with this boy, it will be awkward, but sweet.

23. Realize that he is going off to college, ponder this.

24. Bring up your worries of abandonment, and watch him squirm.

25. Realize that this is what you signed up for as a “summer girlfriend” you are not entitled to feelings.

26. Cry hysterically on the way home, because once again, you meant nothing.

27. Meet him at the park where you had your first date (the one where he gave you a foot massage).

28. Tell him that you need to break things off; be too open with your feelings, weird him out.

29. He will awkwardly note the irony of the location you picked, tell him you need to leave.

30. Hug goodbye, and drive away, crying.

31. Continue to think about him, crying every so often.

32. Rejoice when he goes away to college, although secretly be upset that there is no longer a possibility of running into him.

33. Be confused about whether you miss him, or the intimacy (it’s the intimacy).

34. Reactivate your OkCupid, because hey, things worked out so well the first time and you miss the attention.