33 Reasons I’ll Unquestioningly Swipe Right


1. You have a job somewhere I want to work.

2. You might give me a free tattoo.

3. You have “420 friendly” in your bio.

4. I like your dog.

5. You’re Facebook friends with someone I’m trying to make jealous.

6. My friend likes you and is not on Tinder.

7. You look like a handsome serial killer.

8. You’re 18.

9. You’re South African.

10. I want to see if you swiped right as well.

11. You look like you’ll buy me beer.

12. You look like someone I’m already obsessed with.

13. You’re a ginger (but not one of the gross ones).

14. You can get me into shows for free.

15. You’re holding a gun in your profile pic.

16. You don’t live ten million miles away.

17. I’m bored.

18. I’m horny.

19. I’m both.

20. You’re tall.

21. You’re a distant cousin’s husband and I’m compiling evidence.

22. You look like a “provider”.

23. You’re a bartender.

24. Your name is not Josh or Nick.

25. You’re wildly sexy.

26. We went to high school together and I just want to catch up.

27. You’re a total Chad and I’m after an ego boost.

28. You mention Dick Wolf in your bio.

29. You are sans children.

30. You’re a chef.

31. You have a full head of hair.

32. You hint at emotional unavailability.

33. You’re an EMT or fireman.

P.S. If I super like you it was an accident. I would never super like anyone to keep up the illusion that I am an apathetic ice princess ready to fulfill your wildest manic pixie dreams.