Working in the health care industry, I have a lot of interaction with various people and thus hear a lot of annoying catchphrases. I have accepted the fact that I live in a world where I am often subjected to vocalized statements that are neither warranted nor needed. I cringe every time I hear a remark that is based in stupidity, and know that somewhere an angel loses its wings, as a result. STOP THE VERBAL MADNESS! Here are my least favorite statements:
1. “IT’LL HAPPEN WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT.” So, what you are saying is: Give up on the goal, forget about dreams and when you are lying in bed crying, it will happen? Thanks!
2. “WHERE DID YOU HAVE IT LAST?” Listen, if I knew that then I wouldn’t be looking for it.
3. ”NO OFFENSE, BUT….” What they are really saying: Get ready for an insult!
4. “LIKE HOW THEY LIKE ALWAYS LIKE SAY LIKE IN LIKE EVERY SINGLE LIKE SENTENCE.” Annoying. Like. Really.
5. ”I’M 40% IRISH, 25% ITALIAN, 20% FRENCH, AND 15% GERMAN.” No, you are 100% [Insert Country Living In].
6. ”MUST BE NICE…” Thank you for stealing my moment and making me feel guilty. Awesome.
7. When I ask someone the time and they respond: “TIME TO GET A WATCH!” Good one! Original!
8. “I KNOW, RIGHT?!” What? Are you asking me a question? Who is Right? I am confused.
9. “I LITERALLY DIED FROM LAUGHING SO HARD!” Anyone that involves using the word literally in a non-literal fashion should be beaten. Literally.
10. “EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.” Remember that when I punch you in the teeth.
11. ”GIVE 110 PERCENT.” Not possible.
12. ”THANKS IN ADVANCE.” This means that you aren’t worth thanking when the task is accomplished.
13. “I, PERSONALLY…” As opposed to you and your other personalities?
14. “BELIEVE YOU ME…” Unless your name is Yoda, don’t use words out of order.
15. “I FEEL YOU.” Don’t say that unless you are really touching me. And, don’t touch me. It’s creepy.
16. “THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID.” That was funny….once…in the ninth grade.
17. ”I COULD CARE LESS.”………… It’s “I couldn’t care less”.
18. “IT IS WHAT IT IS.” Thank you, Captain Obvious.
19. “I’M NOT TRYING TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO, BUT IF I WERE YOU …” Passive Aggressive Control Freak.
20. “I’D RATHER DIE.” You would rather be dead than go on a blind date? Seriously?
21. “YOLO!” Jack Black said that “‘YOLO’ is ‘Carpe Diem’ for dumb people.” Sums it up.
22. “ARE YOU OKAY?” I just crashed my bike and skidded on the road. How do you think I am?
23. “PARADIGM SHIFT…” Wow, when did Stephen Covey walk into the room?
24. “LET’S TOUCH BASE…” This should not be used unless you are involved in baseball.
25. “WIN-WIN…” This statement reveals so much about the individual. And they’re all bad.
26. “DOES THAT MAKE SENSE TO YOU?” You think I am stupid.
27. “HOT/COLD ENOUGH FOR YA?” I never know how to answer this and usually just end up forcing a smile.
28. “PICK YOUR BRAIN…” I hate the visual that I think of whenever I hear this. Thank you, Hannibal Lector.
29. “YOU NEED TO SEE THE BIG PICTURE.” Thank you for being so condescending.
30. “BOTTOM LINE…” Leave this phrase in accounting where it belongs.