As most women know, dating in New York can be an exciting, thrilling, frustrating, and soul-crushing adventure. For me, dating in New York is ironically the only real dating experience I’ve had. I entered into a serious relationship when I was so young and it lasted so long that I found myself really dating for the first time as an adult in New York City at the ripe old age of 29.
I had no idea what I’d encounter or what to expect. But boy, did I make up for lost time! I’m sure every city has its own unique dating challenges. However, there are so many ambitious and creative people here who are either focused on their career or experience that it can be hard to narrow down what you want (or what they want). How are two people able to connect in a city that’s always looking for the next best thing? I don’t care what your jaded co-worker may tell you—love is a universal need and sooner or later, male or female, we all want something real. Well, after dating in New York for a while, I’ve come to find there are a few staples most girls will run into:
If not for the concrete jungle and unmistakable skyline, you’d swear you were somewhere in Texas or the Midwest. This guy wears flannel, loves football, and is an all-around guy’s guy. You feel right at home with him. It’s familiar and he’s someone you could find in your own town; it eases any homesickness you may feel. But that becomes the problem. You moved to NYC for your career and different experiences, but he doesn’t really want to try anything new. He’s such a nice guy but eventually you get bored and realize you have to move on.
2. Corporate Lawyer
This guy seriously hates his job. Has anyone met a lawyer that actually enjoys what they do? He works endless hours but makes up for it when you see him by showering you with attention, lavish dinners, Broadway shows and more. It’s glamorous and exciting. But after a while, you get tired of the ‘baby I have to work late’ texts and his constant ramblings about revising a contract by deadline which seems to interrupt every one of your dates. His work is constantly spilling over into every area of his life and it’s bringing you down. It also doesn’t help that whenever you hang out with him and his friends all they do is talk about work or law school while you sit there and sip your drink, waiting for a topic to come up in conversation that you can actually join in on. It never happens.
3. “Out of Towner”
We all have at least one friend who’s made this mistake and nearly all of us have been forewarned or at least sworn to ourselves we wouldn’t go down this path. But then you meet someone that makes you give a little on your rule because he’s charming, funny, seems different then the others and hey, he really IS going to move here. Things start to feel real at this point and you both know it, so he calls things off citing the distance, timing, and everything you warned yourself about in the first place. The kicker is when you find out that was all just a lie and he immediately (with a possible overlap) began repeating the same routine with someone else (what was that about distance and timing??). This guy’s just looking for the convenience factor and a tour guide; the distance was just his ‘get out of relationship free’ card—but he’s not fooling anyone for long. You knew better, girl—trust your instincts and keep moving.
4. Rebound Guy
YES! He’s beautiful, funny, and somehow the hottest piece of ass you’ve ever gotten, totally restoring your confidence & making you forget about ‘what’s his name’. You know who you are. We all have one. God bless him. Where was I?
5. Foreign Guy
Not to be confused with the ‘Out of Towner,’ this guy actually lives here, but he’s new. He thinks everything about New York is amazing and it’s refreshing to get excited about things you’ve overlooked through the years. He has an accent, speaks a different language, and it’s fun to hear stories about where he’s from. Eventually though, it gets tiring having to explain everything to him and you find the cultural differences may be too much to bear. Do you really like him, or is it just the novelty? At some point you have to be honest with yourself. It’s all for the best, though, and you’re happy you met him—he completely opened your eyes and expanded your horizons.
6. Mr. Adventure
This guy is all about excitement and living in the now. He has been to more countries then you even knew existed and has stories from all of them that you swear could be made into a movie. You tend to date a guy like this after the All American or Corporate Lawyer. It’s refreshing. He always has something amazing going on and you’re immediately intrigued by just how fascinating his life is. It soon dawns on you that the most spectacular thing that’s ever happened to you now pales in comparison and you begin to feel like you can’t keep up. The pressure builds. While he seems to live this amazing life, nothing will actually ever satisfy this guy. He’s always going to be looking for the next best thing, the next thrill, and the next story. While he’s a blast, you need someone who’s a bit more balanced. The irony is when you’re ready to tell him this, he’s already on a plane to Argentina.
7. The Carb-Counter
This guy counts his calories and carbs more than you. Yes he’s got a great body, but you don’t want to feel judged just for eyeing the bread basket. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
The drink hook ups are great & he’s funny as hell, but you can’t keep operating on three hours of sleep!
9. Actor or Musician
So creative, but don’t get in the way of their gig.
10. Married (but Pretending He’s) Single Guy
There are no words for this type of douchery. You gotta watch out for these dudes, but they are hard to spot. Even the sharpest of my friends have been fooled. Guys, this is why women Google you.
11. Finance Guy
We’ve all tried it once—it’s like a combo of the corporate lawyer and frat guy.
12. Bearded Hipster
This is the guy your mother warned you about, but you love his witty socialist banter.
13. Mr. Noncommittal
You both love seeing each other but for whatever reason, either a bad breakup, circumstances or more, the idea of exclusivity or commitment has him running out of the apartment like a scared cat.
14. Overly Committed Guy
This guy just wants to get married—which would be great if you felt like he needed more than someone to just say yes. Desperation isn’t cute on anyone.
And the list goes on and on. It’s exhilarating, funny and exciting, then exhausting. You’re ready to give up and you start to hear stray cats gathering, meowing and making their way to your apartment to inevitably eat your face, when finally you meet…
15. The Right Guy
You know when people say it happens when you least expect it? I hate them, too—but they’re right. It does. It could even be one or a combination of all the guys above, but the point is, he is out there and you both fit each other like a glove. He’s funny, ambitious, kind, and honest. Most importantly, he’s a real man—AKA, he keeps his commitments. You know he actually cares about you and isn’t afraid to show it. He doesn’t make you question what your relationship is or how he feels about you. You feel safe, secure, and loved. While dating can be fun and frustrating at the same time, everything is also a lesson and each experience is important so that when the right guy does come along and treats you well, you recognize it right away. Don’t stress, ladies—he’s out there. I promise.