1. Little Caesars is your main pizza spot.
$6 pizza? Yes. Dominos will charge you $15 for breathing in their over garlic glazing ass establishment. Little Caesars is all the proof of G-d I need in this world.
2. “You could buy vegetables if you budgeted.”
My whole life is budgeted. I can’t afford anything. When it comes down to it, I have twenty-five bucks for food this week and it’s going to go a lot further if I buy what I know will last. Mind your business.
3. Vienna weenies, spam, ravioli, tv dinners aren’t ideal, but they’re edible.
None of these are awful. In fact, they taste pretty good for how cheap they are but if I never had to eat another one in my entire life I wouldn’t miss them for a second.
4. Off brand ain’t so bad.
Who cares if I bought the white generic brand of cookies? Who cares if these animal crackers don’t resemble any animal? Without off brands, I wouldn’t get to eat cookies at all. Except off brand cheese it’s. Those are gross.
5. Feeling guilty after buying fast food.
I should NOT have spent that seven bucks.
6. You’re either trying to get off food stamps or avoid them.
Food stamps are not shameful. They aren’t bad. Nobody wants to be on them, though. Nobody wants to pay for food with them. And if you are, sitting in the parking lot and waiting to go into the store, don’t let anyone make you feel less than. Life sucks, get taquitos.
7. You don’t order off anything but the dollar menu.
Why get a five-dollar burger when you could get five one-dollar burgers?
8. Drinking cold water to suppress your appetite.
Water can suppress your appetite; ice water tends to sit in your stomach longer. Ice cubes do nothing. Renee Zellweger lied to us when she said that they suppressed appetites. I do not know Renee Zellweger. I do know that if someone handed me an ice cube instead of food, I would choke them.
9. I owe my life to ramen noodles.
There have been times in my life where I have bought ramen noodles with some change that I had to hunt for. I have made it in coffee pots, I have eaten it uncooked from the package, and I have perfected making it in a cup at a gas station. Ramen is a glowing reminder that everything is going to be okay, even if it really sucks right now.
10. “That’s not good for you.”
No, being poor isn’t good for me. This day old donut is fine.
11. Tabletop burners.
You can’t eat tabletop burners, but they come in handy when you have to choose between paying your gas bill or your electric bill. Always pay the electric bill. The gas bill can be put on the back burner, I mean it’s safe there the gas is shut off.
12. How can coupons be this difficult?
I watched a couple episodes of extreme couponing to get pumped up, but it takes nerves of steel.
13. You notice when people don’t order and you share your food or buy them food.
When you struggle with something, you notice when other people struggle too. I’m not going to let my friend go hungry or do without. I will always give if I have.