My then-boyfriend cheated on me 4 months back. Yeah, I’m still bitter.
1. Self-esteem plummets.
All of a sudden, you feel worthless. Like everything about you is flawed in some way. You claw at every detail of your being, trying to identify the EXACT reason you drove him away.
2. You feel like you are to blame.
For some reason, you think you could have done something to prevent what happened. Were you not invested enough in the relationship? Were you too bitchy? How could you have prevented this?
3. You will wonder who she was.
Seriously, what if you know her? Like what if she was part of your life? You probably know people who know people who know her. That weird to think about. Will you ever meet her? What if she’s prettier than you? Has he seen her since? Are they like a thing now? Shit.
4. Is he like, dating now?
Should you be like, dating now?
5. Romance makes you sick.
I think I might be the only woman in existence that can’t watch rom coms after a break up. They just make me angry. REAL LIFE DOES NOT HAPPEN THAT WAY. STOP LYING TO OUR YOUTH! I know, I’m alone here. Let’s move past this.
6. Mutual friends have no idea how to act when you’re in the same room as your ex.
There’s no real rule for how they should act around the both of you, so you can’t really blame them. But be prepared for the “So, what’s happening there?” that will be semi-whispered at you when he leaves the room for a moment. And once you start answering the question, you’ll have grabbed the whole table’s attention.
7. Speaking of friends, you find out who’s really there for you.
A lot of people might not understand how big of a deal this thing actually is. Because “he’s such a great guy”, you should probably just get over it because this thing doesn’t define him and also he’s “an angel” so like why are you so mad???
8. The break-up war is a gad-zillion times worse on your end.
(I envy those who haven’t fought in this war, but I also kind of think they’re lying. Shut up and take your perfect life outta here.) When you’re of the party who was cheated on in the break-up war, it feels like you have to prove yourself. That you were actually good enough—even if you don’t feel like it. The anger that you need to fight this war is dripping in melancholy (see numbers 1 and 2).
9. WHY ARE ALL THESE SONGS SO GOD DAMN APPLICABLE?
10. Sometimes, you want them back.
Maybe if you just try hard enough, you can make this work.
11. Sometimes you don’t.
There are moments of clarity when you find the strength to see what happened objectively. You understand for a bit: it wasn’t a stab at you. You can accept that for a bit. Life goes on.
12. But mostly you want them, all of them, forever, even if they’ve done all this shit to you.
I’m weak okay?