Facebook amazes me. It really, really does. One question usually pops into my head every time I scroll down my newsfeed: “Is this real life?” Granted, it’s not. But still, here are ten things I hate about the Facebook culture. (If you can call it a culture).
1. The Humble Brag
Facebook has made it okay to brag. about. everything. EVERYTHING. I’m at a sports game. I’m swimming in a pool. I’m getting a pedicure. I just met a celebrity. I look hot in a bikini. I’m on a boat. I’m backstage bitches. I’m super drunk. I eat organic. I just got my Masters. I’m basically the most amazing person you know. (These might not be verbatim, but a picture’s worth a thousand words).
Humility goes a long way my friends.
Oh my god. Enough with the “Throwback Thursday.” I’m not sure if it’s an excuse to show off how cute people think they were as babies or another excuse to #humblebrag. There’s absolutely no logic to it. “Throwback Thursday.” What the hell? Focus on today. Most of us are trying to forget the past anyway.
(These feelings are also applicable to “Transformation Tuesday” and “Flashback Friday”).
3. The Proposal
If I see one more #isaidyes hashtag, I think I might die. Am I the only one who finds it weird to find out about people getting married on the Fbook before hearing it from them in person? “Oh, yeah, I saw that on Facebook. Congrats!” Doesn’t that kind of ruin the moment? I’m not trying to rain on your parade newly engaged lovebirds; I’m just wishing you had a parade, one that didn’t only consist of 213 “likes.”
4. The Relationship Status
Your relationship can be “official” even without Facebook saying so. I promise.
5. It’s Creepy
It’s really, really creepy. You know when you stumble upon someone’s profile and then find yourself, twenty minutes later, swiping through all their tagged photos? Well guess what, people do that to you too. Literally, if someone wants to see a picture of you, all they have to do is type in your name and they probably have hundreds at their disposal. That’s weird and I don’t even want to think about it.
6. The Buzzfeed Quizzes
The Buzzfeed quizzes need to stop. Nobody cares that you got Jasmine in a Disney Princess quiz or that you are totally a “basic bitch.” Read it, love it, whatever, but don’t share it. Just because you share something doesn’t make you a part of it. It makes you annoying.
7. The Selfie
I don’t even think I need to explain this one. I mean, the idea of a “selfie” in and of itself is completely out of control. Have we really gotten to the point of taking digital images of ourselves and then instantly looking at them? Read that sentence again. That’s insane.
8. “Photo Creds”
My sister had to explain this one to me: “LIKE OMG. WHO CARES YOU PUSHED A BUTTON. YOU HAD NO EFFECT ON HOW GOOD THE SUBJECT LOOKS. NO ONE CARES THAT YOU TOOK THE PICTURE. NO. ONE.” I feel ya, sista. If it’s amazing photography, it probably shouldn’t be on Facebook. If it’s not, then why do I care that you took it?
9. It’s Just Too Easy
I just want to clarify that “liking” something or writing on someone’s wall is not the same as making time to actually see them in real life. Just because I “liked” someone’s post does not make me a good friend. It may, actually, make me a bad friend.
10. It’s a Drug
If the first thing you do in the morning is log onto Facebook, you need to take a break. Forget “deactivation.” That’s like an AA member living with wine in the cellar. Delete the whole damn thing. You will survive. You may even thrive.