Sometimes I like to close my stand up sets by reading off text messages real women have sent me. I’ve been called needy, immature, and a piece of shit. I think I’m a sweet guy with a good sense of humor, but many, many women feel differently.
Below are examples of me putting myself out “there.” These are a compilation of REAL and unsolicited text messages. These women actually hate me.
That second text was really necessary? I think I could have taken the hint. We’re on for next week.
So you’re saying there’s a chance…?
Sometimes they’re really mean and I do things like this.
Sometimes they’re sweet though. Her heart was in the right place.
Kyla or Kyle? This is why I need to update to Tinder Plus.
A soft pass.
This one is my fault. And John Jameson.
This is a two-parter. Here’s what the boyfriend said:
What’s he going to send me? An edible arrangement? I gave him my number just in case.
Why did you even give me your number?
This is what black out drinking looks like. Did I send a picture of a Red Bull can…?
A creep with a valid driver’s license and legal right to work in the United States!
She really loved it when I sent her a subscription to the Insanity workout.