10 Reasons Every Brat Needs A Personal Robot


Maybe I’m an example of the devolution of humans into lazy brats, but the sci-fi novels I loved to read as a kid promised robots in the future. Dear nerds, stop trying to be the next Mark Zuckerberg and build me a robot for these things:

1. Making your bed.

I’ll never see the importance of having to make my bed on a daily basis. I know what my bed looks like when it’s not made. And it doesn’t bother me one bit. I’ll make it twice a year (and I’ll still suck at doing it) when I decide to invite guests into my home.

2. Pairing socks.

Hence why I always wear mismatched socks or attempt to only buy white socks. But for a brat who likes to wear socks with cute patterns on them, this poses a problem. And don’t even get me stared on having to deposit them in the laundry hamper after taking them off.

3. Loading the dishwasher.

I feel like I’m doing half its job for it. If I have to rinse the dishes and load them into the dishwasher myself, I may as well scrub them myself, too.

4. Laundry (and all things associated with it).

There’s no greater hassle in this world than having to do an emergency laundry at 12am because you have no clean underwear for the following day. Fell asleep and didn’t transfer them to the dryer immediately after they finished washing? You might as well wash them again, because now they smell worse than before you washed them. Didn’t take them out of the dryer immediately after they’re done drying? Start over.

5. Brushing your teeth and flossing before bed.

Nighttime rituals are the worst. I’ll never get these two minutes of my life back. How will a robot solve this one, you ask? I don’t know; that’s for the nerds to figure out.

6. Removing makeup before bed.

The precious moments that could be spent snuggled in bed, slowly drifting to sleep, are instead spent performing the impossible task of removing all traces of mascara and eyeliner from in between your eyelashes only to ensure that your eyes aren’t glued shut the following morning by the conglomeration of makeup and eye boogers (yes, that’s definitely what they’re called) that will form overnight. What acetone is for nail polish is what I need makeup remover to be for eye makeup

7. Visits to the dentist.

My teeth become an open diary when I visit the dentist, revealing every instance in which I was too lazy to floss. This one is for toothpaste companies; they need to step up their game, because toothpastes just aren’t cutting it.

8. Taking out the trash.

I feel as though this needs to be done twice a day, and I don’t have the wherewithal to make my way over to fly-infested locations in order to deposit it.

9. Spotting an insect and having to come up with an eradication scheme.

I was in the car, driving, when suddenly, I found myself face to face with the devil himself: a spider the size of my thumb. I’m happy to be alive to tell the story. But it made me realize: I need my own personal body guard with me at all times to send these creatures back to the hell from which they crawled out.

10. Having to unfollow someone on Instagram.

So someone you vaguely know decided to follow you on Instagram, and out of courtesy, you decide to follow them back only to find that Instagram now looks like a collage of their face, because they post nearly identical selfies every two hours. What is to be done? You must now unfollow them, because you don’t want to see their face 24/7, but are faced with the possibility of seeming rude or mean. Here’s where this hypothetical robot would really come in handy.